Somniography
by Meander Red
Summary: Renji decides to do paperwork in a drunken stupor and decides to declare his feelings for Rukia. Unfortunately, in his sleep, he made one fatal error. Accidental crack pairing. One shot. Please review.


Somniography

Byakuya walked into his office to double check the last of the paperwork and looked at the half-conscious form scribbling blindly at the paperwork in front of him.

-*-

Renji blinked blearily and looked in front of him at Rukia, standing there smiling. She had come to see him after the party that Matsumoto-fuiteicho had insisted that he had to come to with Kira and Hisagi. If she had come here looking for him, maybe it was safe to tell her. He put down his pen and walked towards her purposefully.

-*-

"Rukia, I knew you'd come. You promised."

Byakuya continued to glare at his drunken vice-captain who half-staggered towards him, hugging him awkwardly as he smiled.

"Do you remember when you promised me this?"

-*-

"I promised you no such thing," Rukia replied looking grim. Renji smiled broader. It was always fun to tease her like this. Especially when he was drunk. Somehow, he always managed to find her even though his kidou and reiatsu sensing always went to hell then. She looked so cute, standing there with her arms folded, the light glinting off her hair, an Academy uniform top three sizes too big hanging loosely over her robes.

"Come on, you remember. That's why you're wearing that top, right? I caught you at flash step, you said you would kiss me. We've been playing this since Rukongai, when we were this tall."

-*-

Byakuya looked at the odd wavelike gesture that Abarai made vaguely to his left as the other man continued to cling to him.

"And why would I remember this, Abarai?" he asked, carefully pitching his voice so that he hoped that his vice-captain would realize he was not Rukia."

-*-

Renji laughed at Rukia's teasing question. She was sitting on a low tree branch in front of him and he smiled, nuzzling his face into the side of her neck.

"Don't be stupid, Rukia. I'm not going to forget the first time you admit you liked me. Of course I want to collect. Why do you think I kept playing all of these years. Now, I win. That's why you came. He leaned in, kissing her on the forehead, and then moving in for his reward."

-*-

Byakuya's eyes narrowed, and concentrating his spiritual pressure, he pulled back his arm, punching Abarai in the face. The drunken vice-captain fell to the floor, still asleep, and Byakuya stepped over him to check the paperwork. It was all finished. More remarkable given Abarai's current state it was still legible. He put it into the file and headed home.

-*-

Rukia woke up and walked downstairs for breakfast before heading back to the Thirteenth. Her brother was waiting at the bottom of the stairs.

"Nii-sama! What are you-?"

"Rukia, Abarai was babbling something about promises yesterday when I came back. He appeared to be drunk. Do you know what he was talking about?"

"I'm not sure, nii-sama. I'd have to hear it in context."

"Very well. Go ahead and get ready for work."

Rukia went into the dining room looking very confused.

-*-

Renji woke up under his desk, moaning in pain. He felt a sharp jab to his ribs and turned to see a pair of feet in front of him.

A pair of sandaled feet with hakama and haori covering the legs which were visible to the knee in front of him.

Cursing as he hit his head, he scrambled out.

"Teicho, the paperwork- I really did mean to do it, but I-,"

"You turned it in last night, Abarai, or did you forget?" His captain's tone was biting as he sat down at the desk, looking serene and composed.

"No, no, of course not," Renji amended, in spite of having no recollection of doing paperwork.

"Good. Still, I recommend a visit to the Fourth division if your somniagraphy continues to be an issue when you drink. At least the papers were as illegible as your normal ones are."

"Somniography?"

"Yes. Sleep writing, since you don't seem to be familiar with the basic terminology. I would hardly call it sleepwalking in your case. Although you did that as well."

"I don't remember that, teicho."

"That is probably as well."

Renji felt a true sense of alarm, relaxing only when his captain gave him a stack of papers.

"These need to be delivered to the Ninth division for reports."

"Ai, teicho."

He was halfway through the door when his captain stopped him.

"And Abarai?"

"Yes teicho?"

"If you ever do what you did last night again, I will kill you myself."

Renji was shocked at the level of anger visible in his captain's steel gray eyes at that statement, belying the rest of the composed demeanor. He gave the only acceptable answer he could think of.

"Ai, teicho."

"Very well." Byakuya replied, returning to his own paperwork.

Renji hurried to the Ninth, making a mental note to stop at the Tenth hoping that Matsumoto could help him to figure out what he had done when he was drunk.


End file.
